Salsa & Beer

This past weekend I went to this place called Salsa & Beer with Miss L. I had never even heard of this place before. Maybe because it was in The Valley. Now, on a day that reached over 100 I was nervous about heading anywhere near The Valley but since it was getting close to 8pm it was a groovy 81 degrees. At a place called Salsa & Beer what do you think they had there?

We first headed to one of the locations and the shit was packed. Like people pouring out the door. I got out and went inside to ask what the wait for two people would be. Dude said 20 minutes. I called bullshit. That place was super busy and with the amount of people waiting outside, some groups of two, I knew it would be closer to an hour. I couldn’t wait an hour. I become a bitch when I am hungry.

I need to start using a more structured way to rate the places I eat and I might as well start here. Each aspect of the place will be placed based on Atmosphere, Location (to me), Service, Food, and Price.

Wood Ranch Bar & Grill Again!

Me and Miss Q. headed to Wood Ranch Bar & Grill over at The Grove the other day and enjoyed an awesome ass lunch. This is the third time I have been here, the first time being with Miss Q. as well. I forgot to take a picture of the delicious garlic rolls they brought. I think we ate them before I remembered to. But I did manage to get a picture of my margarita! This thing was the goodness. Very strong and very smooth. Do I remember which flavor I got? Of course not! It was that good.

For a meal I had the pulled pork sandwich with fries and a big ass lemonade. The pulled pork sandwich was really good and too big to finish while there. They bring the food out fast and hot which is always a good thing but not always a guarantee when eating out. Allow me to point out that our waitress was fucking awesome. So many times I think staff time when they ask “Is everything fine?” right when I have a mouth full of food and have to respond like Corky from Life Goes On. I wish I had gotten her name. She would see us eating and knew just when to come to the table.

Miss Q. got a steak salad. Now you all know how I feel about salad. This thing was awesome! It was seasoned perfectly and wasn’t all tough or anything. I may try it next time but take someone with me that will eat those little green things. I think they are called “Let Us.” This place is cool and you will not go broke eating here.

Andre's Is Good

I went to Andre’s a few days ago with South Paw over on Fairfax & 3rd. This place has stayed the same ever since I was in high school. I mean in the way it looks and the prices. Hell, even the same employees which is really weird. I got a couple slices of pizza, garlic bread, a mango Snapple, and this new shrimp pasta thing they had. I saw some lady get some and was like “That needs to be in my mouth!” It was all very good and you cant beat the price of this place. Andre’s has been good for over a decade. How many other places can you say that about?

Back At Umami

Yesterday Miss E. and I went to Umami Burger on La Brea. For once we went by and the place wasn’t packed so we sat out on the patio area. For those that don’t know Umami Burger is a kinda fancy place. Not dress shirt and tie fancy but the food looks fancy. I ordered the Manly Burger and Miss E. got the Umami Burger. We decided to share the sweet potato fries. Our food arrived and we were gonna split each in half and share. We were starving before we even got there and the long wait was not the business.

Everyone knows that I hate sending food back. If I can not send food back I will not. But we had to. Miss E. cut her burger (medium rare) open and that son of a bitch was raw! (screamed in Gordon Ramsay voice) I mean it was mooing. We sent it back and ate most of our fries while drinking Mexican Cokes. The sweet potato fries were good. I had never had them here before. As we finished them I noticed that there was brown sugar in them. They also came with this ketchup that was almost salsa like. Very good.

My Manly Burger finally arrived fully cooked but way smaller. It was awesome and had these little bacon slivers on it. I swear if I could just have a plate full of those little slices I would. If only the one done correctly was as big as the raw one. A man can dream, cant he? While I have a moment I’ll mention that the staff was very cool. They didn’t get butt hurt over us sending the food back and one of the waitresses even stated that the burger was not done.

Miss. E.’s Umami Burger was good. That fried little slice of cheese was really good. And yes this time it was finished. I’m not gonna let the fact that we got served living food turn me off from this place. I hadn’t been there in a while and when the food was prepared properly I barely chewed it I ate it so fast.

Biscotti & Latte's At King's Road Cafe

Earlier this week I went to King’s Road Café again with Miss E. She had been talking about their coffee for the longest and I got to have it finally. They made it pretty fast and it even had a nice heart drawn on it. The biscotti was awesome even though I never managed to figure out how to dunk it properly. I looked like a dog eating a peanut butter sandwich. I had never had a biscotti before and it was cool. I could imagine how cool this combination would be on a cold day. Which means it wont happen often since I live in West Hollywood. So I will continue to sit in 90 degree heat eating biscotti and drinking a big ass latte.

Escuela On Beverly

Tonight I went to this place called Escuela over on Beverly Blvd. here in Los Angeles. Miss L. and I were trying to figure out where to go. We thought about The Bowery on Sunset but decided tacos would be better. I have to had passed this place dozens of times and never noticed it because its on a side street. For an appetizer we got these chips with salsa and guacamole. This was actual guacamole and it was really good. So was the salsa but the guacamole was really good.

Miss L. got the pork belly and I got the shrimp tacos. After a long wait we got our food. We shared and her pork belly was amazing. My shrimp taco tasted good but hers kicked its ass. As we were eating I remembered that I ordered a soda and finally got it. The tacos were tiny but good. Its funny but whenever I’ve gone to a Mexican themed place the food is either really big or really small.

We were still hungry so we got a carne asada taco. They always come in orders of two. It was okay. Not nearly enough seasoning or taste and a bit too many onions. This place is good but kinda pricy. Parking could possibly be a bitch but we got lucky. Nice wait staff but really slow. It took way too long in between ordering food, bringing food, and being asked if we were doing fine with our meals. Speaking of the staff I just looked at Miss L. when a waiter came to our table and for no reason said “I’m not made for double shifts.” Uh, okay, dude. I don’t care. If you go to Escuela get the pork belly and a Mexican soda and be happy.

Charlie's At The L.A Farmer's market

This morning I went to this place called Charlie’s at The Farmer’s Market next to The Grove. I had been here once before with Miss L. and they have really good and filling pancakes. Their bacon was thick and their prices are cheap. That’s Cam of course trying to inhale all my food. Except the bacon of course. The scrambled eggs were a little runny but that was overlookable. Wow. Overlookable is a real word. We both sat there chatting about Abraham Lincoln’s murder and enjoying the beautiful L.A weather. Oh, and the staff is really cute. Bunch of young girls wearing shorts and smile a lot. Head there and grab an awesome breakfast and don’t deal with the staff at IHOP.

IHOP Staff

Earlier this week I went to IHOP with my tattoo artist Koko. I love IHOP. I can sit there for hours on end eating and talking about life. I ordered the pancakes, eggs, bacon, hash browns, and a strawberry lemonade. It was very good and Koko enjoyed her fancy crepe thing with fruit on it. After a while I realized I hadn’t heard from our waiter in a while. No, it wasn’t busy. It was in the middle of the day with more staff than people. Eventually I had to go and get a refill from the manager. I’m sick of this nonsense with wait staff. Stop that shit! Feed and serve me! I know I may sound dickish, but come on. If I could get my own drinks I would. I barely wanted to leave a tip seeing as how our food took forever to arrive.

Father's Office

Last week I went to Father’s Office in Culver City with Miss L. She had posted about this place and I was always wondering “When’s gonna be my time?!” Well, I finally got to go and I’ll be damned if this wasn’t the best burger I’ve ever had! I know I said the same thing about Umami Burger. Then I said it about The Counter. Well, I’m saying it once again. The burger has blue cheese, lettuce, and some kinda sauce that is just delicious. They also give you a mountain of fries so split your order. And don’t get me started on their powerful ass drinks! The staff was really awesome and nice and there when you needed them. I loved this place but already Cam has told me about a place that’s supposed to be better. We’ll see how that goes.

(edit: Was just told by Miss L. herself “How can you forget to write about the bone marrow fat!?!” so here it goes)

For an appetizer we got this bone marrow fat. Yeah. I know it sounds strange and I’m really not one to experiment when it comes to what goes in my mouth. Don’t be a pervbot. It is a couple of pieces of beef marrow with the smoothest, most buttery, most tastiness inside. It was served with pieces of toasted slices of bread to spread it on. I had heard for a while that marrow had the best tasting part of most meats but I was nervous about trying it. I’m so glad I did though.

Papa John's Pizza

I ordered some pizza from Papa John’s last week for the first time in years. When I first got this place I would order it almost every single week and tear it up. They had the garlic dipping sauce which is pretty much melted butter. Their crust was amazing. And then one day they decided to start making chicken and their quality dropped. They started forgetting the sauce. The dough was awkward. So I stopped until last week when I tried to order Domino’s twice. One time they dropped the phone and the other they put me on hold and forgot about me. So I said kiss my ass and ordered Papa John’s for the first time in years. It was awesome. Crust is back, garlic sauce is back, and they brought it faster than Domino’s even though they are further away. Screw you, Domino’s.

At Omi Sushi Again

I went to Omi Sushi yesterday with Miss E. yesterday. It was good. After some issues with brown rice we got our lunch special and it was delicious. I got the iced green tea (which I added sugar to), miso soup, and of course the shrimp tempura sushi and whatever that is on the right. It was good and I used a lot of wasabi. As I sat there listening to Lupe Fiasco being blasted out the radio I realized how many good sushi places I have passed up over the years and that I need to try an all you can eat place once. I get full off sushi fast and cant imagine me plowing through a lot of it. But we’ll see…

At The Counter Again

So I went to The Counter on Wilshire near the La Brea Tar Pits with South Paw. She had never gone to the Counter so I was more than happy to share the joy that Cam once introduced me to. For started we got the fries and onion rings combo. The onion rings weren’t like regular onion rings. They were these tiny little onion shreds and they were really good and served with this awesome barbecue sauce. I liked these more than regular ass onion rings because they weren’t as strong.

For a burger I got a jalapeno cheese burger and garlic aioli sauce with a Sprite. They forgot the bacon. They forgot the bacon! I’ll get to this later. It was really good though. I always get more stuff well done after the infamous Dante Gets Food Poisoning Incident of ‘08. I forgot to take a picture of South Paw’s burger before she started eating it but here it is. It had bacon. Mine didn’t. She enjoyed it and we both got full as I always do when at The Counter. Now allow me to rant about wait staff for a moment.

Our waiter was nice enough. She was nice. Wasn’t mean. She was just nonexistent. Now to set the scene, it was not busy there. Plenty of waiters working. No loud kids or large groups to serve. South Paw told me to mention that my bacon wasn’t on it but I was hungry now and didn’t want them to take my food back and wipe boogers on it. I waited a while to get a refill (which those of you that have eaten with me I will drink 5 drinks and not go to the bathroom). Then we had to wait for a while to get the check. Why? Because our waitress was outside chatting with a cute guy.

Was he a customer? No. He was just there. So I find another waiter and ask him for our check. He says he’ll tell our waitress. Sigh. She finally arrives and gets our check and then returns to tell us she will be back with our change. Then she arrives more minutes later to ask us if we want dessert. The thing that sucks is that I would have loved a milkshake but we had waited so long I was ready to leave.

The Counter on Wilshire has really good food but hiring these kids that want to be actors or whatever (yes, I am Mr. Presumptuous) that make me wait for food only to forget the bacon, which is an unforgivable offense, is getting to me.

Lala's On Melrose

Went to Lala’s for dinner with Cam. It was so good! I usually get the half polla ala something or other picante, an empanada, and Sprite. This time I decided on a chicken picante sandwich with fries and a lemonade. Damn, it was good! I told Cam that I didn’t feel like dealing with my normal meal (“I don’t feel like fighting with my food…”). It was super good and I was glad I decided to try something new for once.

Cam got this rice deal thing. I cant even pretend to remember what it was called or what all was in it.

Before the meal we waited until we got this bread and stuff. Its so good but you have to be careful you not to get full off of it. I love Lala’s and a while back their quality dropped (after the Deadly Tomato Scare a few years back) but they are back in business!

Magnolia's Bakery

I went to this place I never noticed called Magnolia’s on 3rd which is a cute ass bakery. Going in there feels all refreshing because it smells like sweet and joy. They have these delicious looking cakes, pies, muffins, cupcakes, and drinks all across the counter. After seeing a picture of this banana pudding that Miss E. had posted I had to try it. After a few bites I was full but saved the rest and will be tearing it apart in a couple hours. Magnolia’s has tables but no chairs so you sit against the windows and watch all the other good things you can try. Very fancy looking and worth whatever you spend there.

King's Road Cafe

Yesterday me and Miss E. went to this place called King’s Road Café. Its over on Beverly and King’s Road which isn’t very far from me. I walked it in the heat and sat my ass down. This is one of those places that is usually so packed that I never even try to eat there. Plus no one had ever told me about it and I don’t try new things unless I am invited to. So I order a turkey avocado burger that came with a side of sweet potato fries and a 7-Up. It was really good. Possibly the best turkey burger I ever had. It came with a big ass salad but I didn’t touch it. The service was good and the prices were about average for this type of place. You will get full so it’s a good idea to just share.