Escuela On Beverly

Tonight I went to this place called Escuela over on Beverly Blvd. here in Los Angeles. Miss L. and I were trying to figure out where to go. We thought about The Bowery on Sunset but decided tacos would be better. I have to had passed this place dozens of times and never noticed it because its on a side street. For an appetizer we got these chips with salsa and guacamole. This was actual guacamole and it was really good. So was the salsa but the guacamole was really good.

Miss L. got the pork belly and I got the shrimp tacos. After a long wait we got our food. We shared and her pork belly was amazing. My shrimp taco tasted good but hers kicked its ass. As we were eating I remembered that I ordered a soda and finally got it. The tacos were tiny but good. Its funny but whenever I’ve gone to a Mexican themed place the food is either really big or really small.

We were still hungry so we got a carne asada taco. They always come in orders of two. It was okay. Not nearly enough seasoning or taste and a bit too many onions. This place is good but kinda pricy. Parking could possibly be a bitch but we got lucky. Nice wait staff but really slow. It took way too long in between ordering food, bringing food, and being asked if we were doing fine with our meals. Speaking of the staff I just looked at Miss L. when a waiter came to our table and for no reason said “I’m not made for double shifts.” Uh, okay, dude. I don’t care. If you go to Escuela get the pork belly and a Mexican soda and be happy.

Charlie's At The L.A Farmer's market

This morning I went to this place called Charlie’s at The Farmer’s Market next to The Grove. I had been here once before with Miss L. and they have really good and filling pancakes. Their bacon was thick and their prices are cheap. That’s Cam of course trying to inhale all my food. Except the bacon of course. The scrambled eggs were a little runny but that was overlookable. Wow. Overlookable is a real word. We both sat there chatting about Abraham Lincoln’s murder and enjoying the beautiful L.A weather. Oh, and the staff is really cute. Bunch of young girls wearing shorts and smile a lot. Head there and grab an awesome breakfast and don’t deal with the staff at IHOP.

IHOP Staff

Earlier this week I went to IHOP with my tattoo artist Koko. I love IHOP. I can sit there for hours on end eating and talking about life. I ordered the pancakes, eggs, bacon, hash browns, and a strawberry lemonade. It was very good and Koko enjoyed her fancy crepe thing with fruit on it. After a while I realized I hadn’t heard from our waiter in a while. No, it wasn’t busy. It was in the middle of the day with more staff than people. Eventually I had to go and get a refill from the manager. I’m sick of this nonsense with wait staff. Stop that shit! Feed and serve me! I know I may sound dickish, but come on. If I could get my own drinks I would. I barely wanted to leave a tip seeing as how our food took forever to arrive.

Father's Office

Last week I went to Father’s Office in Culver City with Miss L. She had posted about this place and I was always wondering “When’s gonna be my time?!” Well, I finally got to go and I’ll be damned if this wasn’t the best burger I’ve ever had! I know I said the same thing about Umami Burger. Then I said it about The Counter. Well, I’m saying it once again. The burger has blue cheese, lettuce, and some kinda sauce that is just delicious. They also give you a mountain of fries so split your order. And don’t get me started on their powerful ass drinks! The staff was really awesome and nice and there when you needed them. I loved this place but already Cam has told me about a place that’s supposed to be better. We’ll see how that goes.

(edit: Was just told by Miss L. herself “How can you forget to write about the bone marrow fat!?!” so here it goes)

For an appetizer we got this bone marrow fat. Yeah. I know it sounds strange and I’m really not one to experiment when it comes to what goes in my mouth. Don’t be a pervbot. It is a couple of pieces of beef marrow with the smoothest, most buttery, most tastiness inside. It was served with pieces of toasted slices of bread to spread it on. I had heard for a while that marrow had the best tasting part of most meats but I was nervous about trying it. I’m so glad I did though.

Papa John's Pizza

I ordered some pizza from Papa John’s last week for the first time in years. When I first got this place I would order it almost every single week and tear it up. They had the garlic dipping sauce which is pretty much melted butter. Their crust was amazing. And then one day they decided to start making chicken and their quality dropped. They started forgetting the sauce. The dough was awkward. So I stopped until last week when I tried to order Domino’s twice. One time they dropped the phone and the other they put me on hold and forgot about me. So I said kiss my ass and ordered Papa John’s for the first time in years. It was awesome. Crust is back, garlic sauce is back, and they brought it faster than Domino’s even though they are further away. Screw you, Domino’s.

At Omi Sushi Again

I went to Omi Sushi yesterday with Miss E. yesterday. It was good. After some issues with brown rice we got our lunch special and it was delicious. I got the iced green tea (which I added sugar to), miso soup, and of course the shrimp tempura sushi and whatever that is on the right. It was good and I used a lot of wasabi. As I sat there listening to Lupe Fiasco being blasted out the radio I realized how many good sushi places I have passed up over the years and that I need to try an all you can eat place once. I get full off sushi fast and cant imagine me plowing through a lot of it. But we’ll see…

At The Counter Again

So I went to The Counter on Wilshire near the La Brea Tar Pits with South Paw. She had never gone to the Counter so I was more than happy to share the joy that Cam once introduced me to. For started we got the fries and onion rings combo. The onion rings weren’t like regular onion rings. They were these tiny little onion shreds and they were really good and served with this awesome barbecue sauce. I liked these more than regular ass onion rings because they weren’t as strong.

For a burger I got a jalapeno cheese burger and garlic aioli sauce with a Sprite. They forgot the bacon. They forgot the bacon! I’ll get to this later. It was really good though. I always get more stuff well done after the infamous Dante Gets Food Poisoning Incident of ‘08. I forgot to take a picture of South Paw’s burger before she started eating it but here it is. It had bacon. Mine didn’t. She enjoyed it and we both got full as I always do when at The Counter. Now allow me to rant about wait staff for a moment.

Our waiter was nice enough. She was nice. Wasn’t mean. She was just nonexistent. Now to set the scene, it was not busy there. Plenty of waiters working. No loud kids or large groups to serve. South Paw told me to mention that my bacon wasn’t on it but I was hungry now and didn’t want them to take my food back and wipe boogers on it. I waited a while to get a refill (which those of you that have eaten with me I will drink 5 drinks and not go to the bathroom). Then we had to wait for a while to get the check. Why? Because our waitress was outside chatting with a cute guy.

Was he a customer? No. He was just there. So I find another waiter and ask him for our check. He says he’ll tell our waitress. Sigh. She finally arrives and gets our check and then returns to tell us she will be back with our change. Then she arrives more minutes later to ask us if we want dessert. The thing that sucks is that I would have loved a milkshake but we had waited so long I was ready to leave.

The Counter on Wilshire has really good food but hiring these kids that want to be actors or whatever (yes, I am Mr. Presumptuous) that make me wait for food only to forget the bacon, which is an unforgivable offense, is getting to me.

Lala's On Melrose

Went to Lala’s for dinner with Cam. It was so good! I usually get the half polla ala something or other picante, an empanada, and Sprite. This time I decided on a chicken picante sandwich with fries and a lemonade. Damn, it was good! I told Cam that I didn’t feel like dealing with my normal meal (“I don’t feel like fighting with my food…”). It was super good and I was glad I decided to try something new for once.

Cam got this rice deal thing. I cant even pretend to remember what it was called or what all was in it.

Before the meal we waited until we got this bread and stuff. Its so good but you have to be careful you not to get full off of it. I love Lala’s and a while back their quality dropped (after the Deadly Tomato Scare a few years back) but they are back in business!

Magnolia's Bakery

I went to this place I never noticed called Magnolia’s on 3rd which is a cute ass bakery. Going in there feels all refreshing because it smells like sweet and joy. They have these delicious looking cakes, pies, muffins, cupcakes, and drinks all across the counter. After seeing a picture of this banana pudding that Miss E. had posted I had to try it. After a few bites I was full but saved the rest and will be tearing it apart in a couple hours. Magnolia’s has tables but no chairs so you sit against the windows and watch all the other good things you can try. Very fancy looking and worth whatever you spend there.

King's Road Cafe

Yesterday me and Miss E. went to this place called King’s Road Café. Its over on Beverly and King’s Road which isn’t very far from me. I walked it in the heat and sat my ass down. This is one of those places that is usually so packed that I never even try to eat there. Plus no one had ever told me about it and I don’t try new things unless I am invited to. So I order a turkey avocado burger that came with a side of sweet potato fries and a 7-Up. It was really good. Possibly the best turkey burger I ever had. It came with a big ass salad but I didn’t touch it. The service was good and the prices were about average for this type of place. You will get full so it’s a good idea to just share.

Hooter's In Long Beach

While seeing fireworks in Long Beach with Coco (who did my tattoo) we wanted to grab something to eat. At first we were going to head to Outback Steakhouse but the wait was 45 minutes and we would’ve missed the fireworks. So after seeing the explosions every place had stopped serving food and only had booze. Heat and hunger plus liquor is stupid so we hunted for food. Chili’s, Boston’s Pizza, and a few other places I had never heard of were done for the night.

But Hooter’s wasn’t!

So we get to Hooter’s which I’ve eaten at before in Santa Monica near the beach. That location is fast, good service, more legs than hooters. I had used the gift certificates I’d won from being on Adam Carolla’s Show when he was on 97.1 here in Los Angeles. It was great. The one in Long Beach, not so much.

They say they called us for our tables but we didn’t hear it apparently. We got our seat and I ordered a burger and fries with bacon and Sierra Mist. Coco ordered crab cakes. So a minute before my food arrived they let Coco know that the crab cakes were non existent. So she ordered what I had. They finally bring her food and…its wrong. They brought some mushroom and cheese burger. Coco ate it but it wasn’t what she wanted. The waitress asked if she wanted to switch it but it was that thing where you ask praying someone says no.

I hope this place isn’t like this all the time. Strange service (waitress took our order on a napkin), wrong food brought, blaring television followed by even louder music, and a glass case keeping a old man who stared at all the waitresses while they worked. The food was good but, wow, I’ll try not to go to Hooter’s in Long Beach if I have a choice. Which I do.

F.U CVS

I hate CVS. Ever since Sav-On became CVS their customer service has been the shits. Yes, I also know that when Thrifty became Rite-Aid they have become shit as well. But there is something magical about the customer service at CVS. Specifically the ones on Santa Monica & La Cienega and the one on 3rd & Fairfax. The latter is what I’ll be bitching about.

Like I mentioned in the previous blog, me and Cam went out for dinner. Afterwards I needed to grab some stuff and CVS was on the way home. We joked about the many types of razors for women (“Why would you need a lavender scented handle…?”) and how I once bought kitchen towels instead of toilet paper (“This is gonna suck so hard!”) before heading to the cashiers. There were two. One other person was in line being taken care of.

Enter Bethany.

Now, we didn’t catch her actual name so we named her Bethany and the car ride home consisted of us making fun of her for being so bitchy. I will try my best to log what happened next.

Bethany: “You can use the automated check out.”


Me: “I’m good.”


Cam: “No, I don’t like using them.”


Bethany: “Its really easy.”


Me: “Uh…” (looks at Cam) “…naw.”


Cam: “I’m pro-people.”


Bethany: “I’m pro-no lines!” (after a few hiccups with my machine the transaction was complete) “Now wasn’t that easy…?”

At this point I am shocked. I’m surprised she didn’t pat me on my retarded little head and hand me a sugar free lollipop. This whorecunt (thank you Dan-e-o) who obviously was sent by corporate, which is code for the people who do things that make life miserable for low waged employees, to make shit hard. But to her she is making things easier.

I fucking hate automated check outs. Fucking cant stand them. They break all the time. There’s always someone whose job it is to stand at them to help people because weird shit always happens like it wont feel your purchase or it wont take your cash in which case it asks you to find a human!

And for anyone that tries to defend shitty attitudes at work, go get your shine box. I’ve worked at Petco, mopped up vomit, slanged porn, sorted literally thousands of packages of mail, and moved dead bodies. I know what a shitty day is and never took it out on anyone. But maybe Bethany didn’t realize she was being an asshat. Maybe she was a new robot fresh off the assembly line and couldn’t tell the difference between condescending and helpful.

It does not compute.

Nonna's Empanadas

Me and Cam went to this place using a Groupon called Nonna’s Empanada’s over here near The Beverly Center (8570 W. 3rd Street, Los Angeles, CA 90048). I had never heard of this place and had to have passed it dozens of times. We went in and grabbed a seat outside since it was Africa warm even at night and ordered chicken empanadas, these small croissants, veggie empanadas (for Cam of course), and a ham and cheese sandwich (grilled) for me. This food was fucking amazing. The croissants were these tiny little sweet pieces of heaven. I have to go back to try their pizza. Oh, and did I mention that they deliver?!

Le Pain Quotidien

So today on a hot summer day here in Los Angeles I went to this place in Larchmont called Le Pain Quotidien. “What’s this about Pain?!” I cried. Miss E. assured me that it meant “pan” in French. This is a very cool and nice place with a great staff. I got this amazing sandwich that had chicken, avocado, tomatoes, and a piece of cantaloupe. I hadn’t had a taste of cantaloupe in forever so it was weird to taste one again. It was served on this flat plate that looked cool and I washed it down with a few glasses of real lemonade.

We also got this muffin thing for dessert. I forget what it had in it but apparently there were Chia Pet seeds all over it.So the next time anyone sees me and plants are coming out my ass you’ll know why. The thing about this place that amazed me was that it was all organic and health. If you’ve read more than two of these blogs you know that I fight healthy. But Le Pain Quotidien was really good.