Loteria At Farmer's Market

A few weeks ago I went to grab some breakfast with my homeslice, Laura. I had planned on getting the same old and having some breakfast. Laura suggested this place called Loteria at The Grove over here near Farmer’s Market. Oh, I am so glad we went here. Its buried amongst all the other tons of places at Farmer’s Market. Just pull up a seat at the counter and enjoy the smells.

We got these chips with really good salsa. It wasn’t the kind like you get at the store that has big ass chunks of tomato that you know isn’t real but its all you can buy. This was really good and spicy but not so spicy that the flavor was lost.



I had to ask Laura to name the stuff I had so here goes. I had the huevos con chorizo and it was amazing! I almost snorted it up my nose. It was very filling and I didn’t expect it to be. On the side was some mashed potatoes that had some green stuff in it. I don’t know what they were but they didn’t take away from the flavor. What I loved about the potatoes was that I didn’t have to add anything. And of course Limeaid is very win. Also black beans which I didn’t eat but I dipped my chips in.



Laura got this. Not sure what it was but it looked like it tasted great.

Tip Or Not To Tip?

This may be a sore subject for some and I know this is my food blog but this is something that comes up almost every time I go out and eat. How much do I tip? Most people do the 20% thing. The problem I have is that not every time I go out and eat I don’t get service worthy of giving someone a 20% tip. Twice it has happened when a waitress come outside and mentioned the tip being smaller than they thought it should be.

Years ago at that great Brazilian spot Versailles’s I had wait service that was so terrible that I left a 10 cent tip. After me and my friend waited 20 minutes for our change that was all that was left. That waiter sucked ass. At IHOP over here as much as I love their food I have an equal amount of hate for the staff there. It’s a revolving door of never was actors with an attitude that screams “What do you mean you cant see how famous I’ll be someday?!”

Lots of people pull the Reservoir Dog speech out and talk about how little money the wait staff makes. Get a new job. Most of us at some point have had some terrible job but there’s nothing that will make a crappy job go by slower than treating customers like shit. Yes, there are shitty customers at every job that involves humans just as there are shitty co-workers at every job on the planet. But don’t treat me like crap because you had a bad day or the lady at table 4 has a screaming ass baby.

I don’t go by the 20% rule. I go by different things that occur during the meal. I ask myself certain questions. How often did the waiter come to the table? Did they forget we are here? How many times did they refill my cup? Are they trying to rush me through my meal? Things like that affect how I will tip. Am I a bad person because of this?

King & I

King & I rules. I had never been to this place until one day while hanging out with Camille and Kirby we went. I was in love from the very first sip of their Thai iced teas. I always judge Thai places by how good they are. I’ll never make the mistake of getting one from the doughnut shop ever again. Damn, that was a bad idea. Anyway…



We started off with the potstickers which were so damned good. I actually stopped mid-sentence to talk about how good they were. And they give you soy sauce that isn’t all salty. Very good and you barely need it since the potstickers have so much flavor.



And yes, thanks to Kiyoshi (or his shame at me wanting a fork at a ramen place in Little Tokyo years ago)I know how to use chopsticks.



I usually get the chicken or beef pad Thai but this time I got the chicken fried rice. I am so glad that I did. It was so damned good. Didn’t need anything with it. No sauces or anything sprinkled on top. That is Camille’s hand you see taking my cucumber because you all know I’m not eating that vegetable. This place is on La Cienega a block or so before Olympic. Good fast service with a very nice staff.

Andre's Pizza

I like Andre’s. This place has been the same since I was 18. The same cashier is even there! I always get the same thing when I go there which you can see in the picture. Just pizza, a mango Snapple (the best with Italian food), and some of their garlic bread that tastes more like cheese. Andre’s is a place that I tend to forget about when I am broke or near it. Its across the street from The Farmer’s Market (or the Grove) and in the back behind the Payless. Not hard to find but you cant exactly see it from the street. Give it a try.

Denny's

So I went to Denny’s with Kiyoshi and Flo a couple of days ago. I hadn’t been in a long ass time. I’m more of a IHOP guy myself. But it was good. I got pancakes, eggs (scrambled of course!), bacon, and sausage. It was the smaller Denny’s on Sunset and cool. Not all loud and crazy like some of those places get. Ever been to the “Rock & Roll Denny’s”? I think they shut it down after a shooting. I went there before. Fucking disaster.



There was some chick with a jacket on. That’s it. She just had a jacket on. Cops were all over the place and folks were getting arrested. I was like “Why in the hell would anyone eat here on purpose?!” Anyway, I enjoyed myself. it’s the conversation. I like places where I can just sit and talk and the wait staff doesn’t bug you and try to rush you out.



I had a mango strawberry tea that they didn’t refill and wanted to leave a small tip but Flo got all Harvey Keitel on me.

Tender Greens

Laura invited me to this place I had never even heard of but had to have seen called Tender Greens on Sunset. Or Hollywood as she put it. I’m joking (this is in case Laura is reading this). She warned me beforehand that this place was healthy because she knows how my diet rolls.



So we get there and they have this big ass dry erase board menu with what they had. I got the chicken chipotle with mashed potatoes. They were trying to force a salad upon me but Laura let them know that there was no way I’d eat it. So I got extra mashed potatoes instead and they were good. I love when I don’t have to add salt or butter. I also got a a lemonade that was, like, real lemonade. I had to add an assload of sugar to make it super sweet.



Laura got the steak with salad and mashed potatoes. It wasn’t warm so they reheated it…kinda. She still seemed to enjoy it and said that this place makes some kind of mistake every time she goes. For desert we got a carrot cake top. Yes, just the top and it was soft and delicious.

Thanks to Laura for getting me out the house and trying something new.

Nanbankan Yakitori

So me and Camille went to Nanbankan on Santa Monica Blvd. Friday night in celebration of my birthday. I had never had this food before and didn’t know what to expect. Camille has awesome taste in food and introduced me to cool ass places to eat before (Toast, Swinger’s) so I had no doubts this would be great as well.

So we get there and sit at the bar area where they bring us an appetizer of this really amazing dipping sauce with vegetables consisting of carrots, celery, and this other vegetable that tasted like nothing. I liked that one and passed Camille my carrots.

Next came the chicken. This was some of the best chicken I have ever tasted. I wanted to weep it tasted so good! Its one of those things where it messes with you because you know you’ll never eat something this good again or experience this newness again. I ate mine as slowly as possible.

Next was the steak. This was some of the juiciest beef I have ever had in my damned life. Again, I tried to eat it slowly and enjoy it. Don’t be fooled by the size of this stuff. It was still filling. The Japanese are magical that way.

The shrimp tempura arrived and was delicious. The batter used melted in the dipping sauce. It was also served with a sweet potato and asparagus. You know I gave Camille the asparagus.

Camille got this corn on the cob that smelled like popcorn. No, I did not try it. Sharing corn on the cob is a big no-no. I will have to try it next time.

This was washed down with an Asahi that we split and tea. Green tea was asked for but it was brown. Who cares. Still very good and cleaned the palate quite well in between dishes. highly recommend going here if you want delicious ass food!

Korean Barbeque!

There’s this Korean barbeque place in (gasp!) Korea Town here in Los Angeles. No, I do not know the name of it but its on Vermont. There’s another place next to it but I’ve never been there. This particular place I hadn’t been to since, like, 2002 or something. Maybe even a year earlier. But last week I got to go with one of my favorite people, Heidi.

This place was awesome. We ended up sitting there for close to three hours chatting about everything while chowing down on some great food. They started us off with some entrees that consisted of a potato salad that was delicious. Some cabbage thing that was super spicy and had some much flavor I couldn’t even taste the cabbage. There was also this weird Jell-O like thing that Heidi had my try. It looked like it would be hard to chew but it actually melted in my food hole.

Heidi also got this dumpling soup thing that was massive. I had a few of them and I’m pretty sure it had chicken in it. Not 100% sure but it tasted like chicken. Please, God, let that have been chicken…

Then came the hotness! We got this big ass plate of beef. That’s right. Beef. It had some onions (grilled as they should always be) tossed in, but, damn. This had to be like a couple pounds of beef! It was grilled and tasted all kinds of wonderful. I almost shit myself. Not in an Astro Burger kinda way either (that food there runs through me like a Kenyan athlete!). That was a euphemism. Or whatever the hell you call those things.

We also had these awesome little steak things that were hard as hell to bite through (actually close to impossible) but, man, they tasted so good! I could eat this stuff every damn day if I could. I plan on going back next week and I will likely get the same damn things again. It was amazing! Oh, and they serve water to you in a metal bowl. I felt like a puppy!

5 Pound Gummi Bear

Can you believe this fucking thing? This is five pounds of Gummi Bear. This is the kinda thing that will either make you believe in God or question his existence. This thing looks like it could kill a man.

I first heard about this while listening to Kevin & Bean on KROQ. Psycho Mike wanted to eat it but the lawyers said that he couldn’t. Ever since that dame died from drinking water to death to win Justin Timberlake tickets folks have been nervous about this sort of thing.

I could never eat this much Gummi Bear. I mean, I love Gummi Bears but I could never eat this much. It’s the size of a small child! How do you eat Gummi Bears? I sometimes eat their limbs first. Sometimes I go for the head and imagine it screaming. Ever see that “Robot Chicken” sketch with the screaming bear? Very funny.

I am out of things to say. This thing makes me way nervous.

BLT From Swinger's

Went to Swinger’s again last week. Cam asked me what I wanted to eat and since I had been getting all burgerfied the past few weeks I wanted something a bit different. I wanted some kinda sandwich. We headed to a place that is quickly becoming one of my favorite places, Swinger’s.

I got a BLT. Calling it a BLT isn’t even fair to this beast. I read on the menu that is was a triple decker. I know how places are. It could’ve been one layer B, one L, and one T. I asked a waiter and it was confirmed that it was three layers of bacon.

Orgasm.

When that thing got to the table I didn’t even know how to pick it up. I made sure to add avocado to it. Oh, you don’t know ‘bout avocado on a BLT? Try it. It makes it taste so much better. This was one of the best BLT’s I ever had. Seriously, this thing was amazing. If you haven’t been to Swinger’s you gotta go soon!

Camera credit goes to Cam since she was the one that reminded me to take it. She just looked at me and made the finger clicking motion and I was like “Oh! Thanks.” Swinger’s rules.

"Asstro" Burger

Went to Astro Burger last week. For those of you that have never been there this place was the place to go when you wanted a good burger and it was 2am and you were drunk off your ass. Sure, its good sober but drunk it’s the best thing on Earth.

The past few years they have been flip flopping. I went there last year and was like “What happened?” Now they are back in form. Well, okay form. I had a burger last week and it wrecked my bowels. Still you should give it a try. This is why being a food reviewer is not my job.

Astro’s has great fries. Their sodas aren’t watered down. And when their burgers aren’t setting my ass on fire they’re great. Give it a try and let me know what you think about ‘em.

Hollywood Farmer's Market

Today I went to a farmer’s market with Heidi, Michelle, and Julie. I don’t really frequent these type of markets (I’m actually having a hard time remembering if I have ever been to one). It was very fun. Sitting here and Michelle grabbed me and Julie and we took off. Met Heidi there and got the ball rolling.

They all had been there before so they knew all the good places to grab some food. We got some papusa’s (I got chicken) and some red lemonade where it tasted like everything but lemonade. What I mean is that it had lots of fruit but I couldn’t taste lemons. Go figure. Next we got a tamale that I split with Julie. Along the way we tried different fruits and stuff they had everywhere. You really don’t need to buy anything since there are samples of every fruit you can think of. This place was really fun for more than the food.

Ass.

Yes, I know this is a food blog but I’d be a liar if I didn’t mention that this place was crawling with booty. Some good and some terrible. But still, lots of ass. We toyed with the idea of getting a pie but it sounded way too healthy for this vessel. You all know I’m about meat, fat, and fried things.

If you’re ever in the Hollywood area I really suggest you go here. Besides food they have clothing, bags, and jewelry. I grabbed two little bundles of sage while I was there that smell wonderful by the way. So head there and don’t do like I did and eat random Japanese fruits. That thing looked like melon but my brain refused to acknowledge that it was supposed to be.

Giamela's Fellas!

There’s this place that I have been to twice. It’s called Giamela’s in Los Feliz. This place is known for their steak sandwiches but I go for the pastrami. Gotta say it in an ugly Boston accent. And before anyone starts saying how their state or city has the best whatever allow me to tell you one thing:

Don’t waste your time.

Giamela’s has a pastrami sandwich covered in onions and peppers and rocks my ass off. They are fast too. The place is right on a corner with a strange ass parking lot. The inside is big enough and feels open with a TV on the wall and a screen door like Grandmama has in the front. You can see them making everything fresh which is always nice.

Heidi took me there for the first time maybe last year or late 2008. I got the large sandwich and damn near had to be rolled out when I was done. This time I was smart and got the regular and it hit the spot. Oh, and make sure to get an Orange Bang with it. Goes just fabulously together. No need for chips though they have a large variety. And remember to thank them for giving you a fork because you will need it. All the stuff they pile on top does not stay on the sandwich. That’s a good thing.

I seriously think you should give this place a try if you love meat and love eating things that aren’t rushed tasting (because as Camille says you can taste love in food). Just remember to bring your own hot sauce,

Swinger's Baby

Wanna go swinging? No, not like that you perverts. There’s this place I have known about for freaking years but never tried to go there. Never even thought about going there. Its called Swinger’s over on Beverly Blvd. here in Los Angeles.

My best friend on the fucking planet Cam took me there and it was just so damn good. They grill their onions. Yeah. Thank you. That may not seem like a big deal but it is. When you get a fast food burger they pretty much just slice an onion in half and toss it onto your burger leaving you with stank ass mouth. They grilled theirs brown and delicious.

And their big ass fries were just amazing. I do not suggest running after eating here. I did. It was stupid. The aiter we had was very cool and fast. I got three refills on my drink. Sprite in case you’re wondering. Cam got a grilled cheese something or other. I stuck with the plain burger as you can see and enjoyed it terribly. Umami was a bit more expensive than Swinger’s. If you have about $20 you and another person can easily eat here and get full. I highly recommend heading to Swinger’s and getting some cool food at a cool place.

I Want You Umami...

Ever hear of Umami Burger? I know I hadn’t. And I am so pissed! This place instantly became one of the top three burgers I have ever had in my life. Yeah, yeah. Screw the places you go to. Forget your Burger Kings, Astro Burger’s, Fatburgers and such. Umami has by far the most flavor of any burger I have ever eaten.

I got to SoCal burger. My friend Laura who brought up the plan to even head there got this other one that had cheese on it. She liked hers but not the cheese on it. I ate mine as slow as possible just to enjoy it being in my mouth. Damn, it was that good.

This is a edited paragraph. I totally forgot to mention the desert. I normally dont get one at places except the Cheesecake Factory. Laura suggested the ice cream. It was a chubby little rocky road thing that looked like a Ding Dong on steroids. It was very delicious and if you have the room get it. We split one.

Now don’t let the small size fool you. This thing is very filling. This is coming from someone that used to put away two entire meals from Jack in the Box. No, I don’t eat the way I used to but this little looking thing was just awesome. If you live anywhere near an Umami Burger you have to get some! If you don’t like it then something is seriously wrong with you.