5 Pound Gummi Bear

Can you believe this fucking thing? This is five pounds of Gummi Bear. This is the kinda thing that will either make you believe in God or question his existence. This thing looks like it could kill a man.

I first heard about this while listening to Kevin & Bean on KROQ. Psycho Mike wanted to eat it but the lawyers said that he couldn’t. Ever since that dame died from drinking water to death to win Justin Timberlake tickets folks have been nervous about this sort of thing.

I could never eat this much Gummi Bear. I mean, I love Gummi Bears but I could never eat this much. It’s the size of a small child! How do you eat Gummi Bears? I sometimes eat their limbs first. Sometimes I go for the head and imagine it screaming. Ever see that “Robot Chicken” sketch with the screaming bear? Very funny.

I am out of things to say. This thing makes me way nervous.

BLT From Swinger's

Went to Swinger’s again last week. Cam asked me what I wanted to eat and since I had been getting all burgerfied the past few weeks I wanted something a bit different. I wanted some kinda sandwich. We headed to a place that is quickly becoming one of my favorite places, Swinger’s.

I got a BLT. Calling it a BLT isn’t even fair to this beast. I read on the menu that is was a triple decker. I know how places are. It could’ve been one layer B, one L, and one T. I asked a waiter and it was confirmed that it was three layers of bacon.

Orgasm.

When that thing got to the table I didn’t even know how to pick it up. I made sure to add avocado to it. Oh, you don’t know ‘bout avocado on a BLT? Try it. It makes it taste so much better. This was one of the best BLT’s I ever had. Seriously, this thing was amazing. If you haven’t been to Swinger’s you gotta go soon!

Camera credit goes to Cam since she was the one that reminded me to take it. She just looked at me and made the finger clicking motion and I was like “Oh! Thanks.” Swinger’s rules.

"Asstro" Burger

Went to Astro Burger last week. For those of you that have never been there this place was the place to go when you wanted a good burger and it was 2am and you were drunk off your ass. Sure, its good sober but drunk it’s the best thing on Earth.

The past few years they have been flip flopping. I went there last year and was like “What happened?” Now they are back in form. Well, okay form. I had a burger last week and it wrecked my bowels. Still you should give it a try. This is why being a food reviewer is not my job.

Astro’s has great fries. Their sodas aren’t watered down. And when their burgers aren’t setting my ass on fire they’re great. Give it a try and let me know what you think about ‘em.

Hollywood Farmer's Market

Today I went to a farmer’s market with Heidi, Michelle, and Julie. I don’t really frequent these type of markets (I’m actually having a hard time remembering if I have ever been to one). It was very fun. Sitting here and Michelle grabbed me and Julie and we took off. Met Heidi there and got the ball rolling.

They all had been there before so they knew all the good places to grab some food. We got some papusa’s (I got chicken) and some red lemonade where it tasted like everything but lemonade. What I mean is that it had lots of fruit but I couldn’t taste lemons. Go figure. Next we got a tamale that I split with Julie. Along the way we tried different fruits and stuff they had everywhere. You really don’t need to buy anything since there are samples of every fruit you can think of. This place was really fun for more than the food.

Ass.

Yes, I know this is a food blog but I’d be a liar if I didn’t mention that this place was crawling with booty. Some good and some terrible. But still, lots of ass. We toyed with the idea of getting a pie but it sounded way too healthy for this vessel. You all know I’m about meat, fat, and fried things.

If you’re ever in the Hollywood area I really suggest you go here. Besides food they have clothing, bags, and jewelry. I grabbed two little bundles of sage while I was there that smell wonderful by the way. So head there and don’t do like I did and eat random Japanese fruits. That thing looked like melon but my brain refused to acknowledge that it was supposed to be.

Giamela's Fellas!

There’s this place that I have been to twice. It’s called Giamela’s in Los Feliz. This place is known for their steak sandwiches but I go for the pastrami. Gotta say it in an ugly Boston accent. And before anyone starts saying how their state or city has the best whatever allow me to tell you one thing:

Don’t waste your time.

Giamela’s has a pastrami sandwich covered in onions and peppers and rocks my ass off. They are fast too. The place is right on a corner with a strange ass parking lot. The inside is big enough and feels open with a TV on the wall and a screen door like Grandmama has in the front. You can see them making everything fresh which is always nice.

Heidi took me there for the first time maybe last year or late 2008. I got the large sandwich and damn near had to be rolled out when I was done. This time I was smart and got the regular and it hit the spot. Oh, and make sure to get an Orange Bang with it. Goes just fabulously together. No need for chips though they have a large variety. And remember to thank them for giving you a fork because you will need it. All the stuff they pile on top does not stay on the sandwich. That’s a good thing.

I seriously think you should give this place a try if you love meat and love eating things that aren’t rushed tasting (because as Camille says you can taste love in food). Just remember to bring your own hot sauce,

Swinger's Baby

Wanna go swinging? No, not like that you perverts. There’s this place I have known about for freaking years but never tried to go there. Never even thought about going there. Its called Swinger’s over on Beverly Blvd. here in Los Angeles.

My best friend on the fucking planet Cam took me there and it was just so damn good. They grill their onions. Yeah. Thank you. That may not seem like a big deal but it is. When you get a fast food burger they pretty much just slice an onion in half and toss it onto your burger leaving you with stank ass mouth. They grilled theirs brown and delicious.

And their big ass fries were just amazing. I do not suggest running after eating here. I did. It was stupid. The aiter we had was very cool and fast. I got three refills on my drink. Sprite in case you’re wondering. Cam got a grilled cheese something or other. I stuck with the plain burger as you can see and enjoyed it terribly. Umami was a bit more expensive than Swinger’s. If you have about $20 you and another person can easily eat here and get full. I highly recommend heading to Swinger’s and getting some cool food at a cool place.

I Want You Umami...

Ever hear of Umami Burger? I know I hadn’t. And I am so pissed! This place instantly became one of the top three burgers I have ever had in my life. Yeah, yeah. Screw the places you go to. Forget your Burger Kings, Astro Burger’s, Fatburgers and such. Umami has by far the most flavor of any burger I have ever eaten.

I got to SoCal burger. My friend Laura who brought up the plan to even head there got this other one that had cheese on it. She liked hers but not the cheese on it. I ate mine as slow as possible just to enjoy it being in my mouth. Damn, it was that good.

This is a edited paragraph. I totally forgot to mention the desert. I normally dont get one at places except the Cheesecake Factory. Laura suggested the ice cream. It was a chubby little rocky road thing that looked like a Ding Dong on steroids. It was very delicious and if you have the room get it. We split one.

Now don’t let the small size fool you. This thing is very filling. This is coming from someone that used to put away two entire meals from Jack in the Box. No, I don’t eat the way I used to but this little looking thing was just awesome. If you live anywhere near an Umami Burger you have to get some! If you don’t like it then something is seriously wrong with you.