Thursday, November 29, 2012

Energy Drinks

After some recent deaths and even “spontaneous abortions” people have been coming down hard on energy drinks, particularly 5 Hour Energy. I for one am here to say that not only do I like the stuff, I’ll continue to support them. I first tried it last year when I was damn near close to passing out while transcribing. A chick that worked with me said that they worked so I headed down to the store and got one. It tasted like ass but in less than half an hour I felt well rested. Not all jittery like most energy drinks but like I actually slept well the night before.

There are plenty of energy drinks on the market. The most popular one is Red Bull. Even the name says “Things are about to get crazy!” If you want to annoy all your friends or co-workers knock back a few of these. If you want to look like an ass have it sugar free. By the way, sugar free? Red Bull? Just take a nap, granny. I’ve had this drink with vodka before which is like putting an axe at the end of a handgun. It seems like it would be cool until you actually try using it. And whatever you do don’t pour it into a glass. It looks like diseased urine.

Monster is a drink I tried years ago and wondered why I’ve had it more than once. Its huge. There is no amount of tired that you should experience where this giant can is needed. And look at how they advertise. I don’t know what kind of purchaser they are going for by having a chick in a thong with a giant ice cold drink stuck to her ass. I don’t think chicks are into hyper ass guys drinking a gallon of Satan’s blood.

"Wanna DANCE?!?!"

If you’re gonna drink energy drinks use moderation. If you’re drinking them every single day or to the point where you are having heart issues or being rushed to the ER you have far bigger problems in your life. Stop blaming stuff I like.

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