Eating An MRE

Today Miss Jackie and I ate an MRE which means Meal Ready to Eat. It was bad. Like for reals bad. I laughed about it but, my god, I don't know why people would do this unless you were just wanting to eat some weird ass food or were trapped somewhere. Even then the decision to eat this would be questionable. I am gonna write about each thing we ate in this bag of punishment. Thanks to Miss Jackie for being a very fun person to hang out with and eat great donuts and horrible military meals.

Coffee

I'll start with the drinks. The coffee was mixed in a bag with hot water. It was a dash of coffee, some cream, and some sugar. Just shake it and let it sit and next thing you know you got a bag of terrible coffee. Jackie liked it a bit but that is because she doesn't drink coffee often. I had some this morning. This stuff was not coffee. A few sips was all I needed to know that I never wanted to taste this again.

Orange Drank

This orange drank was good but kinda weird. It tasted like Flavor Aid and I liked this the best out of anything in this bag of tricks. I saved it but when I tasted it again the flavor was all gone. When I poured it out I saw all this white powder had settled to the bottom which I guess was the official flavor. I'd drink this again if I was in danger.

Cookie

This was an oatmeal chocolate flavored cookie. I did not taste a single raisin in this. Lies. The cookie itself was not superbad. It tasted like something a kid would bring to a class party if their parents were cheapskates. It was huge but we had only a few pieces before tapping out. If you had too much saliva in your mouth this would solve that problem quick.

Cherry Blueberry Cobbler

Good lord. Eat one piece and it is tart. Another and it tastes like punishment. It looked like something your cat dragged in...with its butt. I think there was some kinda crust in it but I can not be certain. When Jackie poured it out of the bag, yes poured, it looked like something out of a horror film. Seriously. Look at this.

This was so bad. I wouldn't wish this shit on my worst enemy. Jackie kept saying things about the bravery of soldiers and them fighting and having to eat this. I agree. But still. To hell with this stuff. This was a bag of hurt. There was also some Reese's but they expired in May and I was not even trying to roll those dice. If being attacked by a twin in your sleep had a taste this would be it. 

Grilled Jalapeno Pepper Jack Flavored Beef Patty

If an adoption agency had a taste this would be it. If regret had a flavor it would be the cheese on this. After removing the “beef” patty from its sealed bag that also contained the cobbler that was heated with cold water and magical coals that got hot as shit we added this to the tortilla that was coated with cheese and bacon flavored goop. The cheese was the saltiest thing I ever had. It was so salty! There was bacon flecks in it but no taste. Just salt. The mustard managed to dominate 80% of the flavor which was not enough to hide the flavor of the “beef” patty which I imagine dog food tastes like. I taste no ketchup at all. Even though this stuff was bad I am still glad I gave it a try. Now to wait and see what happens to my stomach later.