Bacon Flavored Popcorn...?

Cam got me a box of bacon flavored popcorn. This stuff is from the makers of bacon flavored mayo, salt, and I believe lube. I’m not kidding. So when I saw this I damn near lost my mind. So I had it for a day and decided to pop it in the microwave. Uh…it was an odd experience. Out of the package it smelled like bacon. I got excited and watched it pop…for over three minutes. There was no popping. Then once it did it smelled like wet dog food. That didn’t stop me because I’m a winner, damn it! So when it was done it ended up tasting like nothing at all. Yep. After all of that it tasted like plain ass popcorn. I love J&B’s intentions but they failed hard with this. At least I still have the bacon scented air freshener Cam gave me!

Wetzel's Pretzel's

You know what I like about this place? Actually its two things. 1. I have never eaten a pretzel from here (opting instead to get hotdogs wrapped with pretzel) and 2. Every time I am with someone and they do get a pretzel they don’t seem to enjoy it. Its always either too hard, too soft, or the flavor is off. Their hotdogs are great though. 

Chili Cheese Cheeto's Bitches

“Its so good I wanna put my dick in it”

“I want it to put its dick in me!”



This is how I felt after trying these new Chili Cheese Cheeto’s. My word, they are delicious! I get pissed when these new foods come out and I’m out of the loop. But I am glad I saw these. They make my foodhole very happy.

I got them at 7/11 and don’t know where else they are. If you see them get them. You will be very happy that you did. Its hard to type with cheesy ass fingers…

Sweet Chili Dorito's!!!

Have you ever been mouth f#@ked by a delicious snack? Really? You haven’t? Well, got your oral prophylactics ready because I am about to introduce you to a delicious new chip: Dorito’s Sweet Chili! This is the best chip I have ever tasted since bacon and cheese Cheetoo’s (yes, there was once a Cheetoo with bacon and cheese flavoring).

The first time I ever had these awesome ass things was months ago before bible study at a Subway restaurant. Yes, I know I have knocked Subway before but that was for their customer service, not their chip selection. I had this with a pastrami sandwich and saw a purple bag of Dorito’s (you know how Black folks love purple!) and I grabbed them.

Now, the combination of the words “sweet” and “chili” doesn’t really inspire me to reach into my wallet and buy something, but I was willing to give it a shot. Man, you have no idea how happy I was once I took a bite out of one of these delicious ass chips! How can I even begin t describe what the taste like? Happiness? Love? Sex? I’m not sure. But I am sure that if you ever get your mitts on a bag you’ll be happy. Herein lies the problem.

I have not been able to find these damned thing anywhere but at Subway. And not every Subway carries them. Is this some vast conspiracy being perpetrated by Jared and his Subway cohorts in a scheme to make me seem like a mad man when I go into a Subway and ask “Hey, do you have the Dorito’s in the purple bag?” only to be looked at with glazed over eyes and a head shake? Perhaps.

These chips are harder to find than a virgin at a Catholic school. But once you get your hands on them (the chips not the virgins) you’ll be happy you did. I’m serious. These are some of the best chips I have ever eaten in my life. And I have eaten a lot of chips. I have survived hamburger flavored Dorito’s, ya’ll. I know what I’m talking about.